Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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