So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
