I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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