The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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