I cannot find my penis.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
