I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sext me about skeletons
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
