He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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