didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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