I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
