Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
