the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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