no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
