I just saw a hot homeless man
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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