No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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