i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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