if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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