MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
