I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
