hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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