who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
