I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
