he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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