living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
