i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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