The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
