the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
