U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
