Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
