i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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