Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
