2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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