She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
