Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
