I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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