Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
