I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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