drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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