its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
it's like iHOP with fire
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
