We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
