yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
