dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Randomize
