We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
