Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
