I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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