Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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