just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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