worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
