I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
