Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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