it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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