i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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