The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i out mim tonsoeep
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