mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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