Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
