I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
