You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
