Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Randomize
