shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
