I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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