why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
