She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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