I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
