And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
