I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Michael Bay diarrhea
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
